The Things People Complain About

Now, I'm not going to claim innocence in the topic I'm about to address. I have been in a bad mood over petty little things and have complained about things that don't really matter. I have a tendency to let my pet peeves get to me and sometimes I dislike people for doing those things. Sometimes I hate people, even though I try to love everyone. Lately though, I've had a reality check. I have not been the biggest fan of 2012, as I've said before. I've been dealt more than one bad hand this year. That thing that I've become a little more able to process and deal with, still is not something I want people to know about. My dad being diagnosed with cancer had been almost as difficult for me as if I had been diagnosed myself. The thing that I have always stated to be the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with has moved down to third place. So much of my mental capacity has been afflicted, but I've learned so much from these trials.
I have the ability to be both strong and weak. I have the power to persevere through anything, but I also have the vulnerability to fall apart. Luckily, I have some great friends to lean on. Individually, they may not always know the right thing to do or say, but that's why I have more than one friend. Strength is something I am constantly learning. It is about pressing on through the hard times and taking joy in the little things. I may feel like I am living in "A Series of Unfortunate Events," but there's a difference between unfortunate and the end of the world. I made a list of all the things that stress me out and try to deal with it all in time. I push myself to be happy. My current happy place is the Toledo Zoo. Besides that one little part, that was the happiest day that I've had all year. I was almost able to forget all my worries in the world and enjoy being with my friends. I know that not every day can be a good day, but the bad days do not have to continue on infinitely.
I do not begrudge the people that complain about things that are small. Well, I try not to. I realize that everyone is created by their own experience. Without experiencing some of the more difficult things in life, it is difficult to put things in perspective. I have a tendency to forget how trivial some things can be as well. In the past I have definitely taken things for granted and had people that have experienced worse react very poorly to it. I'm sure even now, I have people thinking that my life is not that bad. I've received a lot of feedback on how I should deal with things and everyone says something different. I take comfort in the fact that those that know the most about my life think I am doing the right thing, but those same people would be mad at me if I decided to take a different path. Point being, everyone can feel differently about the same situation. Sometimes, no matter how small a problem is, you need to let it out.
I was actually thinking about all this before I checked out Facebook today, though some reading this may think otherwise. I would like to address some things I read today though, and hope no one takes offense to it. One girl was talking about how the Monday of her spring break involves a simple hospital procedure and how it ruined her vacation. I wouldn't normally comment on something like that; I don't usually call people out in that form. However, the fact that I also spent the Monday of my spring break at the hospital, waiting to find out how severe my dad's cancer was, made me urge her to put things in perspective. In no way do I feel more entitled to complain than anyone else, but I think everyone can be an optimist. Another Facebook status, told people that they stop complaining about their lives on Facebook, which I do agree with partially. I agree that the status saying that everything sucks or just complaining about how terrible life is can be quite annoying, but I can understand how some look for support there. Once, I had a person who liked any sad or negative status I posted because he felt that my life was not nearly as bad as his and he wanted to teach me a lesson. I never want to do that. I refuse to post any drama on the site and have a habit of deleting those that do regularly from my news feed just to remove myself from the negativity. I think I'm done with my Facebook talk for now though.
Hopefully this very long post makes up for my inability to update since I have been back at school. It's much easier for me to blog in the morning, when my mind is fresh, but I don't often have time for that here. I'm hoping to update more on what I've been up to and how my family is doing on Saturday when I'm on my way to Grand Valley. For now, I'll say that all of my family is at home and well. A week from today I'll be in Atlanta with my siblings, so that's something to look forward to. Also, saw Jane Goodall yesterday, which was am amazing opportunity that I may talk about later. Right now, I'll leave you with this already lengthy post... it's bedtime.

Don't Spit in the Sky

I've now learned not to post about something until it happens. My life changes so often that what I think will happen never really does. I don't want to complain, so I'm not going to. I can't decide if I'd rather try to get the help of my friends or not have to deal with people trying to tell me what to do. I am the type of person who likes to deal with things on my own terms. It's just not possible to pass along all my thoughts and emotions, so sometimes I just don't see the point in trying. From the moment 2012 started, it's been a true roller coaster and no one can really understand the ride from my point of view. On the other hand, I would be no where without my friends. I need as much support as I can get to conquer this year. Friday I didn't go play laser tag, but I had a decent time without the trouble. My first time horseback riding since I was 16 was great too, even though I am sore today, I need to find a way to do it more. If I don't go white water rafting on my birthday, it will be a great alternative.

In the past couple days, I've also spent a lot of time watching Netflix on demand. I don't typically watch TV at school unless my roommate puts something on. There are a few shows I follow on Hulu, but that allows me to not base my schedule off television programs. Meetings and classes already do that well enough. Netflix appeals to me in the same way Hulu does. I can watch what I want, when I want, and generally in whatever quantity I want. This does get me in a bit of trouble as a sucker for marathons. I moved on from Storage Wars to American Pickers and made it through 20 episodes. At this point, I fancy myself an amateur appraiser. I've been going around my house wondering how much our antiques are worth and trying to make a guess. Out on the road, I'm guessing which houses might have good collectables. It's really crazy, but it keeps me entertained and distracted from the other crazinesses.

We found out yesterday that my dad will need six months of chemotherapy and radiation five days a week. I can't believe how aggressive the treatment is. We are hoping that he won't start the treatment until May, when I can be home to go with him or help out where need be. I am just so confused as to why he needs so much therapy when the doctor said that it looked so good. This doesn't seem like first stage treatment to me. I don't have much experience with cancer though, so it's hard to tell. Right now I am just doing what needs to be done and hoping everything will work out. The catch is that nothing can ever be that easy...

Last night, my mom came home, told me she was having a gull bladder attack, asked me to get the rest of the groceries out of the trunk, and went to bed at 7:30. Today, I woke up and found out that she needed to go to the doctor. When she left with Derek, they were headed to the walk-in clinic, but now they're at the hospital. My mom has been emitted with stones in her gull bladder. How do I wind up with two parents in the hospital? I made a joke to my mom about all of them falling apart and now it's pretty true. I don't know what to do. Trying to make a choice that isn't selfish and will help my family without being a wasted effort is difficult.

Initially, I wanted to stay home to help out. I am supposed to leave for school today and have a lot to do up there, but I'm hesitant to leave. Little brother says he can handle it though, so I guess I'm going to go back. I'm nervous about it, but I am hoping things will go along alright without me. I won't be back here until the Wednesday before Easter for a night before my sibling trip to Atlanta. Really, I've never wanted to be home more. I'll be calling and texting nonstop to check in. It's just so much at once, that's all, but we have good people in our lives to help us through.

Ay Caramba!

Warrior

I spent most of last night and all of this morning watching Storage Wars on Netflix. It's one of those shows that make you think: I could do that. If you haven't seen the show, it follows four antique/thrift buyers trying to turn a profit by bidding on repossessed storage lockers. It took me a couple episodes to get into it, but it really is cool. It's especially cool when they turn $1000 into $17000. It's the kind of gambling that I like. They find a lot of cool things. We also went out to Roadside Attractions (the local antique store) and there was a ton of cool things. Granted, my Oliver and Company watch is stuck on 4:00, but hopefully I can fix that. Still, this would be something that I'd try one day. Really, as far as the future goes, I'm up for anything. Add it to the list.

Just looked outside and all I can see is white. Not cool. I want to go horseback riding for the first timer in about five years today. It was 65 degrees two days ago, and now it's snowing?! Michigan weather can get its act together any day now. The sun is trying to come out, so a girl can hope. Spring break? Hmmm...sunny and 32 could be livable.

Tonight, headed out to Ann Arbor to be a warrior of the laser variety. I'm excited moreover to see my friends from the Michigan District of Circle K. I'm not sure who will be there, but it's always guaranteed to be a good time. I haven't played laser tag since the summer, so it will be fun. Really need to figure out what's on my plate for tomorrow, my last full day here. Could be the day that my dad comes home if he's able to eat today. I'll have something to do either way. That's all for now, too many disconnected thoughts to keep writing.

Mobile Blogger-er

I just downloaded the Blogger app for my android and I'm super excited! I may be weaned off Facebook sooner than expected. It's pretty convenient, especially because Google account connect to the android.

Today is a beautiful day. Sunny and warm and perfect for spring break. Where am I on this lovely Wednesday? The doctor's office, waiting to get 3 shots. Bleh! I'm about sick of doctors during spring break. I'm sure my dad is just as sick of it, but I can complain for the both of us.

Yesterday (Tuesday) was a decent day. Applied for a loan, went to Wah Wong and interviewed some adolescents, and saw my best friend and some others.




The problem with mobile blogging is that it's hard to finish a full post on the go. It's now Thursday night and today's weather has been a downer, but a pretty good day. Besides my frustration with study abroad forms and trying to make a PDF under 10 MB and my new Oliver and Company watch not working, pretty good. I can't believe how fast this week has gone by. I feel like I'm not prepared to be back at school, but hopefully I'm wrong on that.

Blogger-er?

So.... starting a blog is more of a mental challenge than anything. How do I start? When do I start? What language do I write in? What the heck do I write about? Yes, these have all been running rampant in my mind for the past few months. I'm so exhausted right now, so we'll see if I make it through my first post.

Today was an emotionally draining day. It consisted of eight hours at the hospital and fear, sadness, happiness, relief, and love. I truly can not believe how tired I am. But all in all, we got the best news we could hope for, My dad will most likely be cancer free because of this procedure. Expecting the worst, I still can't believe it. Seeing my dad in the hospital bed, hooked up in so many places, was made more bearable by the knowledge that he was mostly okay.



Annnnnnnnd I feel asleep mid-post....

One last thing I have to say about the cancer in this post. I can not express in words the emotion I felt in the first few minutes in the hospital room. My grandma and I were the first two to find the room and we had to wait while they moved him into the hospital bed. When we went in, I stood by the window while my grandma talked to him. He could barely talk himself because he was still groggy from the anesthesia and had a tube down his esophagus, but he turned slightly and said, "I love you, Brooke." I instantly traded places with my grandma, held his hand, hugged him, and cried. I can't even think about it now without tearing up and I can't say enough how glad I am that he's going to be okay. He'll be in the hospital for the rest of my spring break, but I am lucky his surgery fell when I could be home. When I first got the news a week and a half ago I wanted to be at home right then and I'm sure I would have tried to get home if it wasn't spring break. Yes, this whole entire emotional roller coaster for our family has gone on for a week and a half and hopefully will be over (minus a little more recovery time) on Friday. Wow! Still keep those positive thoughts flowing, people.

"I love you, too. I'm so glad you're okay!"

My own personal plug...To donate to my Relay for Life team, click here!

I will be walking as a virtual survivor for my dad and grandma.

Okay, so now, a little bit about why I decided to blog. I am going to the Dominican Republic this summer for five weeks to improve my Spanish and experience the culture. I like to document every detail of my life so that I forget nothing. Usually, Facebook satisfies this urge, along with my incessant picture taking, but I really wanted a more organized way to give all the details. Also, Facebook is a HUGE waste of time! I'm addicted, but I think I will be broken from that addiction this summer. I am already liking blogging better because I like to talk (as is no surprise to anyone) and I can just talk here without having to make it into a cute and snappy Facebook status. Unless I become addicted to blogging and start blogging non-stop, this can only be better, right? Plus, I have to actually go out and do things to blog about, which is very different from just sitting on Facebook.

Odds are, no one will want to read these blog posts, especially if they all are as long as this one. I considered writing something along a theme or writing about something really deep, but I would quickly give up on that. I also considered writing in Spanish so that I could improve my writing skills, bur that would make it difficult for anyone who might want to follow my journeys abroad. I may decide to switch or do both or start a Spanish blog as well, but this is where I am for now.

It was actually sort of my New Year's resolution to start blogging. I had it all set up, figured out what my password was (more effort than it should have been), and prepared to write my first post in the new year... but then, I had some things, that I'm not going to delve into, happen and really didn't want to write about it. So, this is my Everything is Going to be Totally Fine resolution to begin blogging. Today, I officially proclaim that 2012 is not going to suck anymore. Yay for entering the world of Blogger-ers!